Church Etiquette

In the Orthodox Church there are numerous customs and traditions that are important parts of our worship. Some of these customs are universal to the Church, while some may vary from parish to parish, or cultural tradition. The following addresses questions most often asked by those new to the faith, and even those not so new.

Standing vs. Sitting

The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church is to stand. In “Orthodox countries” there are usually no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are reserved for those who need them, i.e. the elderly, infirm and pregnant. In North America, some Orthodox faithful have introduced pews into their churches thus creating the artificial “need” to figure out when to sit and when to stand. Whether a church has few chairs or many, there are times when one should definitely stand:

• The beginning of the service: “Blessed is the Kingdom…”
• All Litanies—The Entrances: with the Gospel and later, the Chalice
• Gospel Reading
• The Creed, the Lord’s Prayer
• The Anaphora beginning with “Let us stand aright” through the Hymn to the Theotokos
• The distribution of Holy Communion, i.e. the Body and Blood of Christ in our midst, through the end of the dismissal (i.e. don’t sit while Communion is being distributed)

As you can see, this leaves little time for sitting. Whatever parish you are in, when in doubt, stand in prayer—yet remaining sensitive to not drawing attention to oneself, or blocking other’s participation in the service.

Lighting Candles

Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making a monetary offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox typically light candles upon entering the church, after venerating the icons. If a service is already in progress, and the candle-holders are up front, it is a good idea to wait until after the service to light candles so as to not distract others from prayer, nor draw undue attention to oneself.

ARRIVING LATE

Since this is entirely inappropriate, without due cause, for a Christian who has come to worship God, the point is moot. The same goes for leaving services early. Experience testifies that coming to church late is more a matter of “habit” than circumstance: there are those who come late, and those who don’t. Some rules of thumb: Those who arrive late should generally refrain from partaking of the Eucharist that day as “proper preparation” for Holy Communion assumes the ascetical effort of arriving on time for the service. If arriving late, one should refrain from venerating icons in the front of the church, etc. for the same reasons given under “Lighting Candles.”

Walking In and Out

Parents should have ready access to the doors to take small children out if they are distracting or need a short break. For this reason the doors are to be accessible, i.e. let us avoid the temptation to congregate around the back candle-stand and door, and challenge ourselves to move forward into the Nave. Let families with children have easy  access to the exit in the back, as well as the side door to the north.

Regarding times when it is inappropriate, unless necessary, to walk out of the service see “Standing vs. Sitting”.

Lipstick AND LIP-GLOSS

Lipstick looks terrible smeared on icons, crosses, the communion spoon, and the priest’s or bishop’s hand. Hand-painted icons have been ruined by lipstick; and even though the cross or spoon are usually cleaned after everyone venerates, it’s not very considerate to those who follow. What is the answer? If one insists on wearing lipstick to church, blot your lips well before venerating…. Point of consideration: God, Whom we alone come before in Liturgy, is not impressed with our external attractiveness, but with the adorning of our souls in humility, good works, and piety.

Talking During Church

Besides being disrespectful toward God, Who is present, it is distracting for others who are striving to pray. This rule includes all services of the Church, whether it be the Hours read prior to Divine Liturgy, the Thanksgiving Prayers after Divine Liturgy, or the priest hearing Confessions after Vespers. If something needs to be said, be brief and quiet. It is better to save conversation for the fellowship hall, inviting guests next-door for a visit after the service.

CELL PHONES AND CAMERAS

Make sure to silence your cell phone before entering the temple. There are few things as distracting, or embarrassing, as a loud cell phone signal during prayer or a sermon. It is completely inappropriate to text, call, or play with your phone while in church. Refrain from being distracted, unless there is an emergency.

Regarding photography during services, permission should generally be obtained from the clergy. Flashes should never be used. Because weddings usually have professional photographers, others in attendance are usually expected to refrain from taking photos. During funerals, photography is not allowed unless permitted by family. 

KissING the Bishop’s and Priest’s Hand

The proper way to greet a bishop or priest is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand. How do you do this? Approach the bishop or priest with your right hand over your left (palms up) and say “Father (“Master,” in the case of a bishop), bless.” This is appropriate and traditional, rather than shaking their hands. When you receive such a blessing it is Christ Himself who offers the blessing through the hand of the priest or bishop. Who of us would not want all of Christ’s blessings we can get?

Sunday Dress

There was a time when people put on their “Sunday best” to go to church. By contrast, there is today not an insignificant backlash against such propriety. Many contemporary churches innocently flaunt a “come as you are”; pitch as part of their advertising ploy. Though God does not demand us to “dress up” for Him (as though He is in any way impressed by our external appearance), the fact is, as followers of Christ in all areas of our life, we should offer Christ our “best” and not just our “leftovers” (c.f. Cain and Abel). Our dress should always, especially at church, be becoming of a Christian. We dress modestly, not in a flashy way that merely brings attention to ourselves.

Some guidelines:

Children: Only young children are allowed to wear shorts to church – but not athletic shorts, cut-offs, or “spandex” (which are not appropriate for adults either). Tennis shoes that “light up,” or colorful graphic tees, should be avoided in that they draw attention away from prayer.

Boys serving in the Altar should wear black or dark brown shoes, and avoid colorful clothes under their robes.

Women: Dresses are certainly appropriate, and are to be modest. Slacks and pant-suites are an accepted part of our culture. However tight jeans and spandex type wear are never appropriate for church. The wearing of head coverings is traditional and encouraged, but not enforced. There are head coverings available in the Narthex for those who forgot to bring one, and wish to do so. 

Men: Men are also to dress modestly as befits a follower of Christ. While coat and tie are by no means mandatory, shirts with collars and clean pants/slacks are not too much to ask. Again, shorts are to be avoided, particularly on Sunday morning. Men do not wear any hats or headwear in church (with the exception of the liturgical headwear of some clergy).

The above guidelines can be adjusted for services outside of Sunday Divine Liturgy, e.g. Vespers. It is better to be in church for prayer, than to not come at all for mere lack of a change of clothes – as may be the case when coming straight from work, from a Saturday outing, or a work-party, etc. Finally, this is not a call for someone to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe just to be a part of the Church! Use your best judgment and good taste when it comes to Church. You don’t go to church to be seen by people – you go to present yourself before, and to worship, God.

Making the Sign of the Cross

A person looking around on a Sunday morning may notice that different people cross themselves at different times. To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is a matter of personal piety and not of dogma. However, there are times in the service when crossing oneself (thumb and first two fingers touching each other, third and fourth fingers folded into the palm: touching head first, to stomach, right shoulder to left) is called for:

⁃ To cross: when you hear one of the variations of the phrase “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit”; before venerating an icon, Gospel, or Cross; when blessed with an icon, Cross, Gospel, or Chalice; entering and exiting the temple; when passing before the Altar.
⁃ Not to cross: (only bowing of the head): when blessed with hand (as in “Peace be unto all”), or censed. In receiving a blessing from a bishop or priest one does not make the sign of the Cross beforehand. “In this way ought we to distinguish between reverence toward holy things and toward persons” (Jordanville Prayerbook).

In addition, if you are an Orthodox Christian, refrain yourself from making the sign of the cross immediately after taking Communion, so that not to bump the Chalice with your hand by mistake.   

Snacks for Children

Parents often bring snacks for young children to keep them occupied and quiet in church. This is alright as long as it is discreet and quiet, and the parent carefully cleans up any leftovers. By the time a child is 3-4 years old this will most likely be unnecessary, and by the time a child reaches age 7 they are usually capable of fasting the entire morning of Holy Communion (or at least cutting back on breakfast). For those small children who do require snacks during service, please refrain from feeding them, even a bottle, while in line for Communion, as they ought to come to the Holy Mysteries without food already in their mouths. Chewing gum is never appropriate in church, for children or adults.

While it is tempting to distract our children during the service so that they will stay quiet and unnoticed, we must remember that they are also there to worship, to the extent they are able. Our goal is to teach our children how to worship, and how to conduct themselves, in the house of God. Electronic distractions like smartphones or tablets should not be used. Even books and drawing papers should be kept to a minimum, so that our children may learn prayer and attention in church.

Handling the Holy Bread (“Antidoron”)

After taking Communion, at the end of the Divine Liturgy, and at Vespers/Vigil with a “Litya” or “Blessing of Bread”, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron—the left-over bread from which Holy Communion was prepared and various commemorations made. While antidoron is not the Body and Blood of Christ, it is still blessed bread, and as such, we should take precaution to eat it carefully so that crumbs don’t fall to be trampled underfoot. Monitor the children as they take the antidoron, teaching them to eat respectfully.

The practice of taking extra antidoron and hand out to catechumens, strangers, or visitors is strongly discouraged. Rather welcome them to come up to venerate the Cross at the end of the Liturgy, and take some of the blessed bread for themselves, if they wish to.

Final Thought

Our American culture of the 21st Century is very casual, even subtly anarchist, in its approach to life. Dress, music, language, values, morals, and entertainment all reflect a trend to “downgrade” life from what God intends it to be. We mustn’t allow this prevailing tendency to enter into our Christian piety, whether at home or at church. Most church etiquette is based on simple common sense and a respect for God and others. We are in church to worship God in Holy Trinity. The priest announces, “In the fear of God, with faith and love, draw near.” If we simply approach our lives and our worship together with this in mind, then we will be people of proper church etiquette.

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